Thursday, December 22, 2016


Okay. So I didn't exactly "ditch the job." I was let go because of end of the year budget cuts or something like that. And it wasn't just me either; EVERYONE I WORKED WITH (except three people) were let go or found another job before it was their turn to be released. 


I'm trying to see this as a blessing in disguise. While I'm still searching for another part time job, most of my attention is going back into my writing. Since I moved out of my parent's house at the beginning of the year I have written next to nothing. I simply haven't had time what with working forty plus hours a week- I applaud anyone who does this and still manages to get in time for writing. You are basically a superhero of the writing community.

But thankfully now I have an amazing, wonderful boyfriend (my high school sweetheart came back to me! Everyone say awwwww) with an amazing, wonderful job. I can now focus on my writing again. And the best part? He WANTS me to focus on my writing! He loves me so much he wants me to do what makes me happy. And you know what that is? WRITING.

So you know what my new job is? WRITING BOOKS.

You know how freaking hard it is to make any money from writing book? VERY.

You know what that means? You guys seriously need to buy a copy of Abhorrence and Affection. Seriously. Though my babe is supportive of my writing career, I still want to bring in SOME form of money so I'm not just hanging around like a pet waiting for him to get off work. I'm sure my strong women out there get what I'm saying. (There will be a link to the book at the end of this blog post).

And you know what else I've noticed since I've started writing daily again? My *anxiety, which has been going off the roof for the past couple months, has calmed down enough for me to relax and enjoy life. I don't worry about stupid crap anymore. I know that has got to be so much better for the health.

I am so excited to get right back into the writing community again. (I hope no one's forgotten me!!! Or worse... I've forgotten how to write.,..) I look forward to seeing all the familiar faces and spending time just enjoying life, as opposed to stressing and withering away like an ox on a farm.

This will be good for me, I think.

Oh! And I'll start writing weekly blog posts again! YAY!!!!

Oh! And here's the link to Abhorrence and Affection I promised:






I've got to figure out how to end these things.


*For those of you that don't know, I suffer from a very severe case of  worry- or WHAT IF- anxiety that peaks randomly throughout the day. Writing has been my creative outlet for years. Having it taken away from me made my life so difficult. I would have panic attacks over silly things that would probably never happen. Now that I've gone back to writing daily, the anxiety has dropped drastically and I can actually goes days without having a panic attack.

Saturday, July 2, 2016


Hello, Readers. I know this isn’t the usually happy, cheerful blog posts you are used to… but this is something I need to do. Lately, my molester has been harassing me in the streets; flicking his tongue sexually at me, making jacking off motions, grabbing his cock, and more obscene gestures. Just Wednesday I went to a hearing to demand a restraining order… which was denied. The judge refused to address this man, as my attacker, and denied the order, as gestures and name calling is not considered illegal in the state of Missouri.

I was denied a restraining order from the man who molested me my entire childhood. He assaulted not only me, but my best friend, my sister, and his own children at the time. Why is this man not behind bars? His wife refused to press charges and is still with him today. He still lives with the children he assaulted, exactly 1000 feet from a school yard, TWO HOUSES DOWN FROM MY OWN. My lawyer (who I will be looking for to ask questions) gave him a plea bargain; two years probation and he registers as a sex offender.
I am writing this letter because I have had enough. I’m tired of being afraid of this man. I am no longer a victim. I am a pissed off woman who WILL have justice whether the law will help me or not. I am not be able to physically hurt him, as that is illegal, and I may not be able to have my restraining order or see him in jail… but I WILL make sure everyone knows him what he truly is; a disgusting child rapist who deserves to be fed to the dogs.
I have already made a Facebook post including his sex offender registry and his picture. So far it has only 15 shares. Please. Look me up on Facebook: Madeline Courtney. Share this post. Make it go viral. Not just for me, but for ALL of his victims (there are at least five that I know so far, and since sharing another woman has stepped forward and said this man tried to rape her little cousin). He is a known serial rapist and child molester around town and yet nothing has been done about it. Those he has assaulted are too afraid to step forward.
I will not be afraid. I will be voice for all of them if I have to.

I will warn you… This letter is not for the faint heart.  Continue if you can.




I remember everything you did to me. I will always remember. Sometimes I can still feel your nasty fingers on me. Sometimes I take three showers a day to try and cleanse myself of your scent, of your breath on my neck.

Starting at the ripe age of three years old (I remember because my sister was still a baby) you touched me. You would rub your callused hands on me and whisper disgusting things in my ear. As I grew older, you would insert a finger inside, only one and only to the first knuckle (I know because you told me. You whispered it in my ear like was some sort of accomplishment).

You were brave. You got off on the thought of being caught, of doing it in front of others, because you would come up behind me and give me a quick touch. Or you would sit next to me at the dinner table and touch me underneath. You would talk and laugh with the others as if you weren’t doing what you were doing. Sometimes you would catch my eye and I could a secret glint in yours at the very thought of getting away with what you were doing in front of the others.

When the adults were outside, during a BBQ or bonfire, you would say you needed to use the bathroom, and you would come inside and find me, just for a “quickie” you called it. And then you went right back outside and had a great time, as if nothing happened.

You would offer to give the children piggy back rides for good fun… And yet as each one of us settled on your back, you would reach between our legs; this included your own son.

I barely remember one night when I was eight. We were outside. It was dark. The adults thought you had gone to check on the chicken on the grill, but really you had come looking for me. I remember you picking me up piggy back style. I remember you carrying me into your shied. I remember you sitting me down on the bed of your old broken down truck… and the rest blank. I hope I never remember the rest. I don’t want to know what vile things you did to me in there.

I remember being in your basement which was converted into a gaming room. I remember you coming down there while I, your son and daughter, were down there. I remember you asking me to follow you into the other part of the basement which was blocked off with a cloth. Your children didn’t even look up at the request.  And I, for some stupid reason, followed you. I remember you laying me on the ground and you assaulting me with your mouth. You laughed about it. You told me you wanted to make me feel good.

I remember the day I finally told someone; a member of the church I was attending. I remember my best friend’s mom calling my mom and asking me about why I had told someone an older man was touching her daughter. I remember crying. I remember my mom crying. I remember my dad struggling not to strangle you. I will never forget that day.

I remember going to court. I remember having to sit on the witness stand and point at you. I remember having to tell EVERYONE in that room what you did to me. I remember your wife watching, blankly, by your side. I remember you calling me a liar as I walked away.

And now you have the balls to harass me, to make sexual gestures at me, as if this is so sort of game? You tell everyone I am lying, that I was a child making stuff up for attention… but everyone knows the truth. Your wife. Your children. The town.

And still I had no justice, WE had no justice.

Still you were able to walk a free man, to assault and harass any child you chose… because there is no way you stopped doing what you did to me. You will always be a child molester. A person like you cannot be fixed.

I will make sure the world sees you for what you are. I will make sure your face is known everywhere as the man who repeatedly assaulted several children and got away with it.

There is nowhere to hide. Everyone will know your name.

This I will make sure.
-Madeline Courtney
To end this blog post, I will add an attached link where you can view his sex offender registry. I urge you all to please SHARE THIS. PLEASE help me get this man off the streets and away from his victims (current, past, and future).
I don't want anything but my attacker off the streets.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016


YES. I received the dreaded first one star review today (or, rather, yesterday. I just happened to check today).

When I first read the simple, one sentenced review I was heartbroken. What?! Somebody hated on my precious baby!? WHY? It's practically perfect in every way!

Hey, don't laugh! I'm not the only author who goes through this when they read their first one star. (At least I hope not... That would be embarrassing).

At first I was so upset. I had spent so much time on this novel... writing it and loving it and getting to know the characters... and someone didn't like it! What a waste of time! Why had I bothered to try when people are so difficult to please? I might as well just give up! I'll never write another book again! I hate my life! (Yes, I realize now this is terribly dramatic and ridiculous. Don't judge me).

Then, while listening to my meditation app, I decided to look up some of my favorite books by my favorite authors on Amazon and see how they've been reviewed. (Planning to make myself feel even worse in my little poor pitiful me act).

And guess what! They all had some one star reviews too! That's right! Best selling novels have bad reviews too! And guess what! They're still best selling and loved by many readers!

Just because I love this book... doesn't mean everyone else is going to as well... And I'm just now seeing this through the author's prospective instead of the reader's. If every author gave up because of a bad review... no one would write.

So you know what? YES. I got a one star review. And that's totally okay! You know why? Because not everyone likes the same thing and we, as authors, shouldn't expect them to.

A bad review is just a bad review.

If you happen to get one... Take a deep breath. Read it. Learn for it. And move on to your next project. You don't have time to dwell on it- you've got another book to write!

At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

What do you do when you get a bad review? Let us know in the comment section!